Artimis Fowl: Music class
by Maritza Manga
Summary: Chapter nine is up! Finally! More Jesus freak fun! :D
1. Artimis Fowl: Music Class

#…# - Means thought

Disclaimer: I don't own Artimis Fowl, or the song. Though I wish I did, I don't.

Artimis Fowl: Music Class

Desmond has a barrow in the market place 

Molly is the singer in a band 

Desmond says to Molly - girl I like your face 

And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand. 

~ Artimis' school, music class ~

Artimis stared in disbelief, how could he: A child prodigy, a criminal mastermind, a genius. Be expected to sing along to…this? #My God, what possessed me to take music class? # The song just got sunnier and the other boys just kept singing. He banged his head on his desk #Why, why, why? WHEN WILL THE TORTURE END!? #

~A black car, parked outside the school ~

Butler, Artimis' bodyguard was not allowed on school grounds, but he already had cameras everywhere to ensure his charges safety anyway. Speak of the devil, Young Artimis appeared to be trying to end his life by banging his head against his desk. # _Sigh_, he doesn't like making my job easy does he?# Then again the Beatles never were his thing either. 

~ Back at school ~

# My GOD! This is worse than those stupid fangirls that 'magically' make me years older and falling for girls that somehow look like themselves! Er…no wait; they are worse than this, my mistake. #

~ Couple of seconds later, still at school ~

# Come to think of it, the tune to this song is kind of catchy. # Artimis hummed along, while Butler stared at the screen in disbelief.

~ The car ~

Butler couldn't believe his eyes or ears, Artimis had burst into full song! Butler began to prepare for the Apocalypse. Just then he had a thought, # What if the Lower Elements Police can see this? They are Artimis' worst enemies, even if he Holly, Root and Foaly can stand each other, the rest of the LEP…I don't know. #

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And if you want some fun - take Obladiblada.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~ Deep Under Ground ~

The entire LEP was currently laughing their pointy, elfin ears off, so we won't be able to get any comments from them.


	2. Artimis Fowl: The Bully Incedent

#…# -means thought. This is the folow up of Artimis Fowl: Music class. Only I wasn't allowed to post it. L Sad is me. Anywho, here's the link to chapter one: 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and I'm not making any money off this. Don't sue.

Artimis Fowl: The Bully Incident

~Irland, some rich boys school~

Artimis was fuming, how dare those bullies make fun of his singing! At least _he_ was on key! Thos barbarians had beat him up, and without Butler, Artimis had been powerless. ( Yeah, he has toothpicks for arms and legs.) Butch and Mitch…( I am trés original eh?)…Artimis would get his revenge and it would be a sweet one, yes! Why he would…SPLAT! Artimis got a cupcake in the face whilst Butch and Mitch walked away laughing.

#Crap! # 

~The Lower Elements~

"I DO _NOT_ CARE HOW STUPID YOU THINK IT IS! I WANT THE ENTIRE CITIES WEPONRY SYSTEM CONNECTED TO THIS HEAR REMOTE!!!" Root was at his usual forget-me-not-red color. "Well sor-y. I just think that the remote will get stolen and then the entire city will be d'arvited over. Pfft." Foaly replied cooly.

"It will **not** let it be stolen for I am he-man and I…HAVE..THE POWER! HEE HEE HEE HE-UH?" Commander root was stopped short becase just then Artimis and Butler came swinging in Tarzan-style and snatched the remote "Hey! You teefed my remote!" Root complained. Arty smiled his Dr. Evil smile and said "I will give it back ("Yay!") **if **("Aw…") you give me some sort of device in which to knock someone unconscious for certain amounts of hours." Foaly nearly popped a vein, which was normally Commander Root's job, and said "MY **GODS** THEY ARE CALLED SLEEPING PILLS, YOU USED THEM TO DEFEAT US IN THE FIRST GODAMND BOOK YOU MORON!*DEEP BREATHING*"

Artimis: o.O yessir, sorry sir. *Returns remote*

~Irland, rich boys school~

Artimis smiled, his plan was completed. He had done it. For those of you who just got here with you I will share Arty's plan'o'DOOM! He had slipped the sleeping pills in Mitch and Butch's drinks during dinner, the tranquilizers took a while to work, but they did. Giving Artimis time to put them in erotic positions -witch cannot be described in case one of our younger viewers is reading- and used them to black male the bas--- .

-The End-

(Well, if I said it then I'd might as well have described the positions in more detail...but I'm too lazy.)


	3. Artimis Fowl: The Date from Hell

A/N: Chapter three, sorry if it sucks, but I don't feel like typing, in fact the only reason I'm doing this now is because I have encouraging Marylin Manson music pumping in my ear. MmMmMm that's gooood.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artimis Fowl, Butler or Angeline Fowl. but the rest of the characters are **_mine _**. Oh yea, Eat or Die belongs to Johnen Vasquez aka: God.

Artimis Fowl: The Date From Hell

~ Fowl Manor ~

"Mother I said **no**!" Artimis whined loudly. Angeline Fowl was not amused "You **will** go out with that girl and you **will** enjoy it…or else."Angelin had a sinister/evil/intelligent/determind look in her eyes. "That girl is the daughter of a very important woman in the agricultural society, I need to be in good terms with these women." Angeline thought she had won, when realy all she had done was get Artimis pissed. "YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOU!" Artimis sobed…no wait, that's not manly. He…um…scratched himself…yea. Stupid muses. "That may be true Artimis, but I'm your mother therefor you do what I tell you too. HAH!" Hot _damnd_ I make Angeline evil.

~ Eat Or Die ~

#How do I let myself get dragged into these things? # Arty was rite in the nick of time, his date however was late. (I rhyme!) Then suddenly she came, a vision in dark green and white, with golden tresses cascading down her back (I should write porno books.) "Oi, I hope you don't mind my being late, me and my boyfriend were snoging. My name's Serendipity, Serene for short."

Artimis: "You have a boyfriend?"

Serene: "Of coarse, don't you?"

Artimis: "Nooo…no I don't."

Serene: "Dude, you suck!"

Artimis: "Thank you?" (He no know slang.)

Serene: "Whatever, bring on the food, I'm starved!"

Artimis sat and stared in disbelief, Serene, had eaten, scratch that, _inhaled _all her food, and apparently, that wasn't enough because a few seconds after she was done (and still chewing) "You gonna eat that?" she didn't even wait for an answer before grabbing Artimis' plate and stuffing her face. Then, she left for the ladies room to…'Tinkle' #She is regurgitating her food up rite now, isn't she? # Artimis wondered # If I just leave, what's the worst that mother can do to me? Kick me out probably, but what's so bad about living on the streets anyway? #

Just then an old, drunk hobo swaggered in "'ey, you there! I have me some money here, I wanna buy me some food!" All the waiters came up to try and 'escort' him out, but in the end an old nun came in, thought he was possessed by the devil, and chased him down the street yelling: "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!"

Artimis stayed where he was. He was kind of hungry, so he ate some (loads of, really) garlic bread.

~ Later that night ~

"Aren't you going to give me a kiss then, luv?" Serene questioned. Arty sighed, might as well. They kissed, and completely against Artimis' will Serene added some tongue (girls, remember this, it's the only time a guy **won't** want a French kiss.) Then, quickly as it came, Serene backed away, "Ugh, your mouth tastes god awful! When was the last time you brushed your teeth you pig!?" And with those lovely last words, Serene left.

Artimis smiled, ah, the power of garlic bread. He went home.

Authors note: Did you know that TYPEWRITER is the longest word you can type with only one row of the keyboard? Thank you Claudia for the inspiration of this chapter.


	4. Artimis Fowl: A 'touching' story

#…# - Means thought

Disclaimer: I don't own Artimis Fowl. Crack L .

A/N: I wrote this in school last month, but I never came around to typing it. Thank you Sanan for the inspiration.

Artimis Fowl: A "Touching" story.

Juliet: You Done Yet?

Artimis: No.

Little While Later…

Juliet: Now?

Artimis: No, in a sec.

Little While Later

Juliet: Now?

Artimis: NO.

Little While Later

Juliet: Now?

Artimis: NOT YET!

Little While Later

Juliet: Now?

Artimis: Piss Off!

Juliet: Wassamatter? Having trouble down under?

Artimis: NO!

Juliet: Then get the hells out of the bathroom!

Butler: What's the matter?

Juliet: Artimis is constipated.

Artimis: I am not constipated!

Juliet: So what the frek is taking so damn long?

Artimis: *sigh* I guess you'll find out sooner or later.

Arty came out with his cell phone at hand; he had been talking for a while now.

Juliet: You've been talking to Holly *smug smile*

Artimis: Nope…Bob.

Juliet: O.o *Faint*

(A/N: The next chapter will come along as soon as I figure out a plot, a location, what Bob is going to be like, if Bob is rich or not and how to write Bob without turning Bob into a Mary-sue.)


End file.
